My own, personal Jesus

When we moved into our house last December, the old lady that used to live here (or her lazy-ass family) had kindly left an assortment of crap for us to dispose of. There was a threadbare couch, colour: tartan. There was a linen cupboard full of mismatched pillow cases and random curtains. There was a plastic bag filled to the brim with Japanese school books (?) and Japanese medical supplies (these were pretty cool to look at). So far, so good, all of this stuff could be easily dumped to make way for our own collection of clutter. That was until I went to take down the holy pictures (Jesus, Mary, St. Anthony... all the gang) that were on almost every wall.
I put them all in a pile in the living room intending to hide them in the wheelie bin the following week. As days passed, they started to creep me out. Jesus, with his magicians cape, his heart pouring blood and spitting fire and thorns, his doleful eyes and his spindly fingers reaching out from the frame. Mary, with her know-it-all expression holding a baby with an old man face.
A little note in the corner of one of the pictures says, “I will bless the house in which the image of my sacred heart is exposed and honoured.” That’s a threat if ever I saw one. What he really means is “Take this down and some serious shit is gonna hit the fan.”
Other people agreed that removing them was a bad idea. There was talk of bad luck, curses, fiery pits and a Jihad on our house. The only piece of helpful advice we got was to deposit them in our local church and let them deal with it. This one I considered but it seemed to involve an awful lot more effort than stuffing them in the wheelie bin or just keeping them.
So they still live here, Mary propped up against a bottle of Bacardi in a bookcase and Jesus hanging out, leering at people from above the stove. We figure we’ll just leave them here whenever we sell the place, problem solved!

Hardy girls

I'm a big fan of Terry Bradley's stuff. His painted ladies look like proper hardy bitches and the colours are zingy.
Unfortch, most of his originals cost over ten thousand eurons and even at that there's not many around, but what you can get is a stamped and numbered print on textured paper for €190. Fierce!

Top tip

Seriously, I hate bees so much that even putting up this picture is making me retch. Look at his furry little body! Look at his spiky little legs! It looks like he's landed on my screen! I've never even seen one this close before, but if you do allow one to get near enough to you to get stung, just before you pass out with the horror of it, do this:

For wasp stings put vinegar on the wound. This neutralises the irritant.
But with a bee sting you have to use bicarbonate of soda because vinegar has no effect.

It's B for bicarbonate/bees, and V for vinegar/vasps.

Gross.

Take the floor

Flooring is an expensive business. I love real wood floors, but the budget wouldn't stretch to the cherry beauties I've been lusting after since I picked up my first interiors magazine. Imagine my delight when, having rented an industrial sander for around €80, we uncovered some passable floorboards underneath about ten layers of thick, dark brown and dirty varnish in the bedroom of our ancient Cork city two-bed.

We varnished them for another €30, and while I'm sure most wood experts would tell us they're incredibly damaged (particularly after some brutal and inexperienced treatment with the sander) they're not bad at all. The pic above is pre-gloss, but it shows the pre-sanded shite we were dealing with.

The pic below is what it looks like now, magic!

Pretty things

Until I win the Euromillions (something I consider a real financial possibility- so much so that I'm completely avoiding the scary pension plans the banks keep trying to sell me) I generally won't have €435 to put in a wallet, let alone spend on one. But this arty mini-insert by Paul Smith caught my eye. Wouldn't it be nice if there were more nice images inside things that are normally plain and boring? Like when you buy a black winter coat and the lining is bold leopard print or neon paisley.

Wallet, €220, Dolce & Gabanna, Insert, €215, Paul Smith.

Happy birthday OOAL!!!

Out on Limb is an independent label run by these three beans. On Friday, OOAL celebrated five years of missed deadlines with a bash in Dolans in Limerick. Debauchery ensued. And cake! And dancing with the nicest people in rock.

More here...

Red alert

"Do you think we should paint the back door bright red babe?"

No, I don't

"Right then, well I've painted the door bright red already. I was sure you'd say yes so I suppose I jumped the gun."

Does it wash off?

"I don't think so, it's quite thick."

For Christ's fucking sake.

"Right, well that's that then."

...Oooh, that's not bad actually. It's very cheery.




You know what's cheap?
Paint.
And it can do great things to boring rooms. Here at Pedestrian HQ, Mr. Pedestrian went mad with a small tin of retro red gloss, the most satisfying paint of all. He coated the door to the garden, which the previous owners had painted a thick muddy brown- inexplicably, they also used this shit to destroy the frame on the original sash window and windowsill at the front.

When I first came home from work and saw it, I thought he was after having some kind of breakdown, but minutes passed and it started to grow on me. Now I think it's a hit, very early 50s retro. Plus, red is considered a symbol of integrity in China. Integrilicious!

Plum deal

There are a few things I don't mind spending money on. One of them is make-up. The right make-up can make you feel like a supermodel, it can make you look like you didn't drink almost two bottles of wine last night and it can hide the teenage skin you shouldn't be having to deal with in your twenties.

Eye-shadow is always a winner... particularly eye-shadow palettes, which last for ages and ages and usually contain something for all occasions. Being blue-eyed, I'm always on the look-out for plum tones, which makes Bobbi Brown's new Velvet Plum Eye Palette well worth the €50 price tag.

Passive aggressive Christmas gifting

Trendhunter has compiled an interesting list of Budget-Friendly Holiday Gifts. I don't know about you, but I don't know any little girls who'd appreciate a 'corn husk doll' over a one of those Bratz sluts or, say, a plastic bag filled with hair.

I don't even know what a 'corn husk doll' is, but it definitely sounds like something you would get beaten up for producing in the playground.

Other questionable suggestions include 'homemade bath soaps'. I can only presume you would make these by melting down bits of other soaps in some kind of cauldron and squashing them together into a soap shape. Trend Hunter suggests you present these to your "grandmothers, friends, neighbors and daughters in-law". All of these people will put your horrid soaps straight into the bin and then take them out again every time they have friends over to illustrate how mentally unstable you are.

"A warm glow within the home on cold and brisk winter nights is something anyone can appreciate" says TH. To make candles I'd imagine you first need to go and buy candle wax, candle wicks and jars in which to make your candles. If you're shopping for all that crap, I reckon you might as well just buy a fucking candle.